Guilt and Cheeto Puffs

I must write everyday. I must commit. I know I will cherish it over the days to come. I worked out this morning. Its so nice to work out in the mornings. We have been working out when I get home..after dinner...or after the boys bathtime...or after American Idol...and it is like hell trying to work out in the living room with Sandler Bing falling on his butt and crying and Julian rolling monster trucks through our legs...so we decided we must get up in the mornings. So we did...and guess who was in his exersaucer at 650 this morning happily munching on a cheeto puff? You guessed it..Bing.

Julian has been working out with us too. He uses soup cans for his weights. He went to the zoo the other day with my neighbor Julie and her son Caleb. I missed him. When he is home, and running around like a firecracker, and screaming and yelling and making monster truck rev up noises...I just want peace. I want him to bring it down a notch or two, or ten. But when he is gone...i miss him so much my heart aches. So I have come to realize I enjoy the noise. I enjoy the rev up sounds.

I have always been a guilt ridden person. I feel guilty about things that I should deal with in a different way. I feel guilty telling Julian to be quiet or hush..or in a minute or after mommy does this... I feel like he's always waiting ya know? I feel like I'm robbing him of a piece of his childhood. You know, that piece thats supposed to be loud. I am working on that though. I truly cherish life. I know that it can all change or be taken away in an instant.
I miss my boys. I loathe coming home at 515 and being tired. So much to do it feels like. Laundry. Husband time. Good quality time with my rambunction juntion boys. Me time...Oh yeah...and American Idol.

I must invest in a digital camera. I want to include bits of my life in pictures.

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