7.27.2005

Cherry Tomatoes and Crack Whores

Sean is work, work, working away on the project house...he hears a knock.

Sean: Hello?

CRACKWHORE: (just love typing that) hello...you renting this place out?

Sean: No...I am selling it.

CRACKWHORE: (there it is again) Come on...you know you want to rent this out to me...

(more small talk goes on about the house)

CRACKWHORE: Whats wrong with yuh front?

Its then that this women REACHES for Sean's *ahem* and Sean jumps back...

SEAN: What are you talking about?!?

CRACKWHORE: Yo thang is hangin out.......

SEAN: What the hell?!!

CRACKWHORE: You cheat on yo' wife?

SEAN: Absolutely not... I think you need to leave...

CRACKWHORE: Aight then...well let me hold five dollars then...

SEAN: Like i said...I think you need to leave...

CRACKWHORE: Dang...shoo'...aight den....

Sean was semi entertained that this happened...its like it only happens in the movies he thought. Five dollars?? Is that the going rate? Wow.

Four things that make me happy today:

1. Peapraise - dude its the best feeling in the world that something you put you heart into gets credit..and credit from people that continue to inspire ME on a continual basis.

2. Jude answering the phone WREN RESIDENCE this morning.

3. Going to work at my Aunt Suzy's bakery tonight for a little extra moola.

4. This bad ass CD my friend RockStar Missy mixed for me.

Did I tell ya'll about finding the turtle in my front yard, and capturing it and putting it in a clothesbasket with cherry tomatoes for him to eat, and i left him on the front porch so that when Jude woke up he could see it. And then i called jude and told him to go look on the front porch at his surprise, and he walked out there and said "sorry mom, i don't care so much for turtles"...OUCH.

16 people took the time to say:

gabby said...

umm, i am full-on giggling at the fact that you got to type "crackwhore" seven times in this post... tee hee...

... and what movies is sean watching?! :) tee hee again... gigging more...

p.s. even if he was unappreciated, at least you gave the turtle a nice snack!!

Missy said...

ok. I have 13 minutes to my show, breaking news, and I'M STILL POSTING ON YOUR BLOG!!!

I love love love the crackwhore story.
That is fabulous.

I love that you're getting pea praised out the yin-yang. you totally deserve it.

And rock that CD sistah!!! I love that you love it! and it makes you shake yo' booty.

Amber said...

holy crap cakes. $5?!?!?! I've only been charging $2!!!!! what the hell?!!?!?!
The turtle bit made me crack up. i love your family and the crazy things that happen to your family. you entertain me on a daily basis. xoxox

island girl said...

LOL!! OMG Ash...you're right...the crackwhore story is way better than my "happens in 3's"...too dam funny...and $5...I won't let TJ read this, I've been charging $10!! LOL!

Kudos on the peapraise, it is nice to get pea love!!

Awww...Jude...such sweet honesty those little kiddos have...!

shannon said...

No way. That is SO funny.

Meghan said...

LMAO ok so Jude has so much personality....Wonder where he gets that from, eh?!! Crackwhore for only five bucks? Damn...Hysterical sotry Ash and of course pea praise for you is always so deserved and always feels so good!

KerryLynne said...

ohh...crackwhore...5 bucks...? WoW...she musta been PreTTy...? i would pay almost DOUBLE that just to sean jump back from her...:) you know how HOT big guys are when they gotta move FAST...!

of course you're gettin' loads of praise...you ARE a totally AWES scrapper...AND a future GG...:)

and jude's kinda right...turtles are ki-ki...especially ones that only eat 'maters...:p

Klala said...

Dude, that is an excellent story...I wish he had a camera on him....And 5 bucks, lmao!!!!

"Wren Residence" BRILLIANT!!!

And I think the turtle thing is sweet. I would've loved him. Although you do know they carry disease???? I hope you washed w/ rubbing alcohol afterwards.

Truly fabulous Ashers post. Love it.

Ashley said...

I love your whole family!! :) :) So cute -- Sean, Jude and the turtle and the phone. :)


AShley.

Alexandra Wieckowski said...

OMG! Hilarious story!! Weak scene with the turtle though ... but you can't win 'em all. :)

Jen said...

I can not believe that crack whore thing actually happened...I'd be like, What the heLLL?? Did I just step into a movie?? LOL

Chris-el-da said...

five bucks? and amber charges $2? i didn't even know we're supposed to charge! damn. i could've been RICH! lmao.

love this story and def. only something that happens in movies. i got so excited seeing your little ebonics typed out... lmao!

Colleen said...

LMFAO! so $5 just to grab it or like $5 for the whole baum chicka baum baum? next time he sees that ho he's gotta snap a pic. then put that shit on 2Ps and see what they say about that! HA!

Diana in WV said...

LMFAO....crackwhore...that was too damn funny, I'm snorting from laughing so hard!!! love the title for this blog, hahahahaha!

scrapbookmom said...

Just climbed in from the pea place and am dying laughing. Your poor hubby. That kind of stuff does only happen in the movies. Oh boy am I just so glad we live miles from civilization.

GREAT POST!!!!

Sarah said...

OMG! HILARIOUS! And Amber..you kill me, girl! So freaking funny. I dont know which is funnier "I don't care for turtles" or "I don't care for crackwhores"

BWAAAAAHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!