Are There any Support Groups...

for mothers whose children are about to start kindegarten? I think I am going to lose my ever loving mind on Monday August 21st when Julian starts school.

I mean I know Martini will keep me busy. Actually its Sandler that will...but I am seriously going to have a ROUGH time.

Don't get me wrong. Its time. Jude needs school. He missed the cutoff to start last year by 12 days...so he is almost 6. I have done

Pre-K with him for the last two years, and he is growing weary of just hanging out with mom all day. He has a new little sister that demands my attention. He will love school. I know he will. I think he is one of those kids that's going to hate to miss school. He has an amazing personality.

But what I get sad about, is that I won't be his influence anymore. He is going to be around other adults and other children for more hours in the day than me. I won't be able to protect him for those

rude-ass kids. I won't be able to help him make choices. And I know. I KNOW I KNOW I KNOW that is part of growing up. But he is my oldest. He is so gentle. He is so kind hearted.

I know children are going to start the "Why is your Mommy and Daddy white and you're brown?"...We tried to have the talk with him. With tears streaming down Sean's face, I tried to explain to Julian in the best way I knew how. I have been with Sean since I was 5 months pregnant with Jude, so since before he was even born, Sean and I have been trying to come up with the best way to tell him about his skin color.
I knew there was no other way than the truth. Mommy was with a brown guy while she was in the Air Force. Mommy got pregnant with you, and then decided that he wasn't going to make the best daddy possible for you. So I found the very best dad in the world. Your daddy. I told Jude, and he says "I don't EVEN want to hear that mom"...it was almost as if he was saying. I know that already. I KNOW I'm different. I just don't give a damn. But we wanted him to know. So that when someone asks...he's ready.

Anyways...the school shopping is fun. The getting him new clothes, and crayons, and a brand new backpack is FUN. Being able to neatly pack his monster truck lunch box and cut the crusts off his sandwiches is fun. But letting him go. Not being able to watch him learn. And laugh. And eat his crustless peanut butter & jelly sandwiches at lunch...well that's NOT fun.

Its really a new page. Its the start of a new phase in our lives. I think I shall take him to school...and come home and curl up in fetal position on my bed, with the covers over me, and cry until I have to pick him up at 3:15.

Think it'll help?


19 people took the time to say:

Jen said...

Oooohhhhh Mama....Jude and Bing and Martini are all SOO lucky to have you and Sean.

erika said...

can you call me from the fetal position?
i'm right there w/ you angelgirl...

this was a good post.
made me teary...

Christy said...

Awww sweetie, I know exactly how you feel... Maddie started 'K' last year and I had the same EXACT feelings. It took me a while to adjust. She was fine - it was me who wasn't. But soon enough you'll start to adjust too and you'll actually enjoy the freedom. It will get better my friend, I promise. Sending big, big hugs to you girlie!

Anonymous said...

Hugs, Ash.
Many hugs.


island girl said...

oh lord...i need to stop time NOW!! You mean they have to go to school? I have to let him spread his wings? No! No! NO! I refuse! He's my baby!! He can not grow up!!

Girl....i feel for you...i wouldn't want to let him go either!!

JenSmack said...

I just had to comment on this post... so sweet and so loving. (called me out of lurkdom)

It was SO HARD when my son when to school for the first time. He had never been in preschool so this would be the first time away from us. I took the day off of work - I knew it was going to be hard. And it was... for me. He was like, 'Bye Mom. See ya later.' I was standing there going... "don't you want another kiss? hug? year or two at home?"

It gets easier. (that's what they tell me)

My youngest (my girl - my baby) just started kindergarten this week. I took the day off again.

She loves it. She's in school with her big brother. I miss her being home... being little.

Okay... now I need another tissue.

Congrats on your beautiful family!

kellymccaleb said...

this really choked me up. you're a good mama.

tara said...

awwwww man. don't make me cry. my baby girl is off to kindergarten this year. i vow NOT to cry. i didn't cry when savannah went, because she was just so ready. and so very happy to go.....
you will do ok. you have 2 other ones to keep you busy!

Aud said...

Oh Miss A -- you will cry when he goes to school. That's a given. But you will feel better, I promise, when he comes home and his face just glows when he talks about all the amazing things that happen everyday. Jude -- and the way you described him -- that gentleness -- is just like my Cass. She adores school.

And as far as the whole skin color issue -- I think that the majority of the kids won't even mention it, other than to notice it once and move on. There might be one or two little punkasses who make a bigger deal of it, but those kids do that about anything. Trust Jude to bring it up with you and Sean if anything happens. Trust that kiddo, and trust yourselves as parents. You guys are good ones, Ash. Definitely.

And love that little Martini -- what an angelprincessbabydoll she is! (love that name too!!!!!)

Britt said...

It doesn't get easier. :( It doesn't.
My oldest will be a Senior this year- and I have cried EVERY SINGLE FIRST DAY she has ever had for the last 12 years! It just doesn't get easier.

Caroline said...

*hugs*, girl

Tammy said...

Take heart...it's tough letting go of the first one...my last one goes to school next year and I think I'll havea harder time with that one than my first. It's tough watching them grow up and not need you like they used to, but think of the amazing experiences he'll have and you will smile great big when he brings you those first school papers...blessings to you and your family!

tRicia said...

ok, so i don't even have kids and the thought of sending them to school freaks me out.
however, this post was so sweet. he is a lucky boy...to have parents like y'all.

Amber said...

oh. poor ash.
i know how much you will miss him and he knows too. he has such an amazing support system at home so i have no fears about the rude ass kids. you have taught him well.
it's just one of those new chapters. fresh and weird feeling. but it will change. and everything will be ok.
i promise.
give him a kiss from me on the first day. xo

Anonymous said...

i really thought i had posted on this
little jude
in front of the crayolas
please don't grow up
at least not yet
you know what though
that kid will be okay
i mean, look at his mama

Michelle W. said...

awww... now if there's a support group for woman that don't allow their kids to date until they turn 50, let me know!

Sarah said...

poor mama.
I never thought I would live through that first week. I must have done, cause Bo's in 2nd now, but Emma starts next year, and I get a little queasy just thinking about it.

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