9.07.2006

Can't Breathe

I've been feeling a little overwhelmed lately.
Like I can't breathe.
Almost like I'm drowning.
Having three bambinos is TOUGH work.
I remember when Marley Jane first came home, everything just ran so smoothly.
It really did.
Then I thought that when Julian started school, that things would slow down.
I couldn't have been more wrong.
Welcome to the world of being a mom to a school aged kid.
Making brownies for a bake sale, homework, wear a purple shirt on Fridays, PTO meetings, Parent/Teacher conferences.
Its gotten crazier.
And then thats not even soccer practice, and potentially art class.
then lets throw in breastfeeding marley, and not being able to jump up right away if anything happens
don't forget that bing has been acting like a complete BEEP lately.
I'm not used to the punching, slapping, hitting, kicking thing - Jude never did that.
Then Julian constantly tattling on Bing (which it is completely warranted)
Sean works at night...from 4-10, so he misses all the action.
Not to metion that I want to spend some good ole quality time w/ each and everyone of my children.
I want to be an amazing mom.
A super devoted wifey.
Staying at home, and washing the dishes, and doing the laundry, and picking up the legos is by far the most uncredited job on the planet.
But thats not my point.
As i type this, I am BFing marley, and Jude and Sandler are fighting because Sandler has the marker he wants, then Sandler proceeds to color on the table. MULTI-TASKING. Feeding daughter, being peacemaker, typing on blog.
My point is, its an honor, a PRIVLEGE to stay at home with them. I wouldn't have it any other way.
I know life is one big balancing act.
Something is always going to have to take a backseat.
Whether its the laundry, or not being able to attend every PTO meeting.
I just get so damn mad at myself for failing.
For not excelling at every single area.
I've really been working on ME lately.
Working out, writing alot...eating well.
NOTE TO SELF: Order Proactiv
I hate to rant, but I know that some of you, my dear friends know exactly what I mean.

20 people took the time to say:

Jen said...

Although I don't completely get it, I will, sort of....soon.
I am sure you are a FABULOUS mama and wife.
Love and HUgs.

gabbyfek said...

you are not failing.
at anything.
no one can do it all.
not everything works out every single time.
but you love them.
more than anything else.
and you are there for them.
and that, my friend, is all that matters.
i know this.
they know this.
and brownies from a box are always good. rainbow colored shirt? then jude'd always have on whatever color he needed.
love you.
snuggle those babies of yours.
xoxo,
g

Tammy said...

You aren't failing...you're being a Mom...every Mom would love to be superwoman, but that my dear isn't reality. Reality is that you obviously love your children...that you are doing the best juggling you can...and one day you will look back on days like this and wonder how you did all that you did...God bless you for having your children....for caring enough and being thankful enough to stay home with them...it's not an easy job, it's sometimes a thankless job, but I wouldn't give it up for anything either. Hugs to you sweetie!

Tanya said...

Let's see....3 kids....they are all alive...how could you be failing?! No one is perfect, no even the ones in the scrap mags that seem to have it all together. I've witnessed it first-hand...you are an awesome mom...my prototype. I always said, if I ever had kids, I wanted to be to them what you are to yours. If I make it half-way, I'm blessed. You Rock Mom!

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glo-girl said...

Hey Momma.

Slow down. Breathe.

When you have three kids, or hell, even just *one* perfection doesn't exist. Supermom is NOT real.

You won't have it together, and you won't be satisfied that your meal is cook in three stages, so that the vegs are cold by the time your meat is ready.

It's OKAY.

We've all tried to be *that mom*. (and then when we realized that we couldn't possibly be her, that SHE couldn't possibly be her, we've secretly wished that she would fail miserably in front of the whole PTA)

((hugs)) you are what you can be, and I 'spect that's enough for your cute little family.

Ryann said...

hang in there and maybe watch super-nanny or nanny 911... it'll make you realize what a great mom you really are and how great your children are! seriously, nick and i watched nanny 911 last night and laughed our butts off! you know you are a great mom and you love the little ones. that is what matters. tell bing that all your friends are going to come visit and make him behave if he doesn't stop it! :)

Sarah said...

arg.
I'm so sorry.
It gets better.
and here's my take.
Bo doesn't care one fig if I'm involved in the PTO. He wants me to come up for lunch, and be around a bit. Of course, at his school, the PTO might as well be a sorority, and I just can't compete. So I gave that up. Much happier. Still pay my yearly dues.
and yeah, how is it that them being GONE 8 hours a day makes life that much busier??

Take a shower, love. And deep breaths.

Kelly McCaleb said...

failure=not trying, not caring
success=doing the best you can.
you are doing the best you can
and caring with all your hear.
you are a success.
a perfect mom.
if you were like june cleaver,
your boys would never be able to love a wife becauses lord knows they wouldn't compare to you.
life is imperfect and a ride.
enjoy it.
love ya.

Kelly McCaleb said...

i meant to say caring with all your HEART not HEAR. haha

Tara in AZ said...

I just found your blog. Yeah.

Being a Mom, Wife, Artist and all the other sub-titles that follow is hard work. I cried the first week after my daughter had come home. I've since learned that we all make mistakes and it's okay. Our kids will still love us even if we aren't perfect. Our husbands will still love us even if sweat pants and dirty t-shirts are in our minds fashionable. And your artist/scrapbook fans will still adore you even if you don't have the time or energy to do anything more than take a nap in your spare time.

It's okay, every one needs their own time to adjust.

Hugs, Tara

*~*Jocelynne*~* said...

Aww, sweetie! I'm so sorry! Just think, it has to get bad before it can get better (not that it's bad, but you know what I mean). I think you guys are adjusting to a new situation, give it some time, ok? You're doing fine!!!

island girl said...

totally understand where you're coming from..and i have to echo the others...no one an do it all...and you are wonderful...you have an amazing love for you kiddos...and as long as they know that...then you've done it all!

erika said...

you're not failing...
you're figuring out what works for your family...
balance is tricky...
just figure out what is the most important...and let the rest go...
it'll all be fine.
I'll call you soon ;)
xe

tara said...

while i don't have a newborn to worry about right now or a 2 year old to chase after, i do know what you mean. because at one point i was there.
and of course i know what you mean about the pta meetings, the art classes , photography mom for parties etc.....i am in the process of it all and am loving it, but some days i just want to stay in bed and pretend it's not happening! LOL!
you are a wonderful mom and wife.
keep up the great job!
t

Ashley said...

Oh girl.
It *is* hardwork. You're right about that. But you are far from failing, your kiddos are certainly lucky to have a mom like you :)

groovyinclinations said...

You are doing a great job I'm sure! But, your job is difficult and you get tired. Make sure to give yourself any easy-out option whenever you can. Use the bath towel a couple more times w/o washing it. Use some paper plates just for you during the day sometimes.

...just found the freestyle blog and found you too.
Mindy Wilson

groovyinclinations said...

Oh yah...remember 'nothing serious' is your blog title. So, laugh at yourself.

Missy said...

awww sweetie.
you aren't failing.
and if it were easy, everyone would do it.
you are strong.
and smart.
and don't you worry one bit.

shannon said...

Oh man.
I've been there.
Actually, I'm STILL there some days. Except the breastfeeding part. It's rough. I hate feeling like the loser mom that fails in all the school-related responsibilities, but it's a lot easier than being the crazy hyper-involved mom. So somewhere in the middle is good. I'm sure you're doing awesome. Your family really loves you. And you still really love them. You're all good if you can at least say that. :)

I know you wrote this post a week ago, but I'm slow on my blog runs lately and just wanted to say hi and I love you girl. :)