A slice of Me

I was in the Air Force for 5 years...its not what i had planned for my life. My plan was to be an elementary school teacher. But education costs money, and that I didn't have. So, the military appealed to me. I was in, did my time (and a little more) and got it. No, I didn't work on or fly a plane. I was in adminstration. Office job. Computer. Nice desk. Pictures all around me. My ivy Judith. An abundance of Paperwork. Now i just need to finish college.

I love Saturday Night Live. I just freaking LOVE that damn show. That is my dream job. To imitate. To make fun of. To make people laugh. To do improv. To be creative, and to be near Jimmy Fallon...(he's gone I know) but I love that show. I will see that show live before I die...

I am in love. My husband has loved me since he was 15 years old. It just took me a little longer. His love is unconditional. He is the best father on this freaking planet. He can grill like nobody's business. He has made me laugh so hard my stomach hurts EVERY SINGLE day since the day we got married. He pisses me off more than anybody can because he knows me inside and out. THIS is our love captured.

My son Julian AKA Jude has taught me alot about the world and how it works. He is biracial. He is beautiful. He is a joker. He is loved. He is mine. He is Seans. Blood and DNA are NOT are not what has molded him into this amazingly smart and funny kid. Its because of me. Its because of Sean. Its because of our love for each other. I see myself in him. In both his good attributes and his bad. He is the joker. He will be the class clown, but he is impatient and he has a smartass mouth. This is Jude, and my feelings for him.

My son Sandler AKA Bing is the greatest thing I never knew I wanted. I always said that I would be fine if I never got pregnant again. But i had no idea that this little boy could make me feel so complete. So content. It was hard for me. The adjustment to two children, two little beings to care for, it wasn't easy for me. I am still learning about balance and juggling things and making sure that I am there 100% for both of them. He makes me feel needed, he let me let go of Jude a bit, and I needed that. I was probably destined to be a psycho Texas Cheerleader Mom...Bing helped me get grounded. THIS is my love for Sandler.

I love things like rainbows, flamingos, the stationary isle at target, all those journals at Barnes and Nobles, fresh magazines that haven't been opened yet, new box of crayons, stickers, fine tip pens, french manicures, chunky jewelery, old school converses, the black eyed peas, the green day DOOKIE album, the color green, buttercream candles, martha stewart magazines, the Price is Right, and Elimidate, old jeans that are baggy and all frayed at the bottom.

I cherish my friendships. I love them. I nurture them. I will do anything to make them work. I have been lucky and not so lucky with in the friendship department. There are friends that I have lost touch with that I wonder if maybe I would have done something differently we would still be great buds today. There are also friendships that I was glad to see end. They weren't healthy, they weren't positive. I feel very blessed in this department today.

I am an insecure person physically. I have battled with my weight since the sixth grade. I have been thin. I have been fat. I have been imbetween. I think even when i get to my target weight, I will still always feel fat. I will always feel like someone is looking at me in disgust if I get that second piece of chocolate cake. But I will say this. I have amazing bright sparkly blue eyes. I have nice calves. I have the cutest little freckles sprinkled on my shoulders. I am going to feel beautiful, and be happy with myself. Its just really hard sometimes.

I have lots of things to do. Lots of things to see. Lots of things to accomplish. But I'm ready. I'm so ready.

I just felt the need to share a slice of me. I needed to write how I feel right now.