1.19.2006

The Negative (-) and the Positive (+)



Now that I am actually excited about this little being inside of me that is growing and causing me to drink gallons and gallons of orange juice, and eat grapes by the bag and apple after apple, I feel bold enough to share this layout that I did about a month ago.

Sean and I DID NOT want another child. We were totally content with Jude and Bing. They were our boys. One for me, One for him. My one or the other. They are perfect together. And they are perfect with us. We all stay up late and sleep in late. We all like to make each other laugh. We all snack way too much. We all like to get in bed and snuggle and watch movies. We fit together perfectly. I thought we were done. Sean was about to get the ole SNIP SNIP.

It took one time..I'm not going into any details, but i just want to stress that we were careful. ALWAYS. This wasn't supposed to happen. Not after I had just lost another 17 pounds. Not when our minds had been made up. This isn't the way we planned out things. Sure...I have an obsession with baby names...and sure I often times said "Babe, what are we gonna name our next kid?" But I NEVER thought it would happen again.

I felt guilt. I felt anger. I felt guilty for BEING angry. I thought about all the women that its their ONLY wish to have a baby. JUST ONE. And God has blessed me with my 3rd...and I'm devastated. I thought about how Jude who is already struggling to come to terms with the fact that he's brown, and mommy, daddy, and Bing are white is going to have another sibling that is "different" from him. I thought about that Bing won't be the baby, he will be a middle child. I had so many emotions and feelings and thoughts running through my head. I did not want to tell ANYONE. Not until I could deal with it. Not until I knew how I felt. I found out while I was out of town...we were on the way home. I stopped and got a test...took it. I cried the whole 2 hours home. Not silent tears. I SOBBED. Like making the ugly Julia Roberts cry face. I screamed. Sean and I didn't speak. What could we say? What would we do? How in the world were we going to do this for the 3rd time?

And then my five year old angel of son...who always seems to have a way of making things better says:

"Mom...its no big deal. GOSH. Its just a freaking baby."

That was December 4th. That was almost two months ago. Things are so different now. We are all excited. I'm not excited about getting fat again...but I am excited that the kisses, the hugs, the love, the sippy cups, the little clothes, the extra carseat, and the extra snuggles will be increasing by one. We have MORE than enough love to give.

And who better to be pregnant with than this chick....

21 people took the time to say:

island girl said...

Awww...Ash...love your layout, love your story and so happy there's going to be a third little Wren running around this great big world!!

Amber said...

you haven no idea how much i love this post...ashley nichole wren gettin all serious on us! whoo hoo. share the emotions sweet thang...get em all out.
One more babe for the tv show..I'm telling you it will be a hit, I know it.
I can't wait to see this little one....can't wait. And i can't wait to take photos of your growing baby belly.
xo mama wren.
A

genevieve said...

you're right...
you've got the love to give.
lucky little lump growin in there.
xoxog

Ti said...

we're struggling with the decision of a 3rd for quite the same reasons/emotions you've been through... and came out thinking the same way we do have enough love. How awesome is your LO!
Congratulations... Peeked from 2Peas!

tRicia said...

i love that you are so honest...about the wonderful things in life...and the not so wonderful emotional rollercoaster we all sometimes face. it's reality...this is real...good for you for capturing it. (and if it matters at all...i'm totally excited for you...and to see all the yummie pages you create with and for this kiddo!!)

cindy said...

super super excited for you Ashley!! you've got so much love to give & share all around!!! i have 1 & have been wanting a 2nd one. i feel the same as you, especially the comment you made about how the 4 of you snuggle in bed together, how perfect it is..that's what it's like w/ the 3 of us. but the idea of Ty having a little one to play w/ & teach him/her as well, seems to make me want another!!
anyway, sorry for the ramble, sending you (((hugs))) & congrats!

Jennifer said...

Ashley I just love reading your posts, you are so honest and real about evreything. {"Mom...its no big deal. GOSH. Its just a freaking baby."}--that is too funny, 5 year olds know it all don't they!! We just have to make everything so much more complicated :) So happy for you and you growing family!!

erika said...

i love this post too....
you know i do...
for many a reasons...
you know i understand...
i am so excited about this baby ;)

oooh, and please go let amber take photos of that baby belly...do it do it...
xxxe

Jen said...

Congratulations! You will do fine!

Lu said...

Oh, Ash...thank God for babies and thank God for your oldest son. I had to laugh when I read what he said to you. You know, things happen for a reason and we don't always know why, but I believe you are so being blessed. Your oldest baby is going to be ok...being brown and all...because he is in a family that loves him and that alone is enough to make any kid grow up healthy and happy. Many blessings to you and welcome to the club of "3"

Mara said...

Aww, this post was great.
Your LO is fabulous.
You're going to be SUCH a good Mommy.

tara said...

you are just so cool and so real i could hug you right now.
you are beyond blessed. you will make a wonderful mother to another child. i have been trying since ava was 10 months old to have another she is now 4.5 and i am done....so i think , now watch me get pregnant right?! LOL!!!

hugs!
tara

Laura said...

I had no idea! CONGRATULATIONS! And thank you for being so honest...I think it's important to say the good, the bad, and the ugly, and show how life sometimes throws us blessings in disguise.

raunda said...

Congratulations! We went though the same thing with our third child. In fact, my husband rarely said three words to me during that time. When it was time to schedule my c-section, he was still pouting. My OB said to him, "I don't know why you are mad at her. It takes two people to make a baby and this isn't an immaculate conception baby." My third child is a true joy. Even though we are not EVEN anymore, it makes that much better. Good luck!

kellicrowe said...

i love this post:)
love the lo.
i was ticked...TICKED...when i found out baby #3 was another boy. (like I have so much control over that) Hubby let me just vent. Got it out of my system.
Now...man, can't imagine life any differently. kellicrowe

Chris-el-da said...

awww i love this!
and don't feel bad about your feelings! i went mad. totally crazy. but you already know how much you have BEEN CHOSEN!!

love the stamps and the pic!

and definitely get some AN photos!

gabbyfek said...

congratulations.....
and middle children aren't SO bad ;)-- i'm sure bing will relish his new role.
xo,
g

SEO Expert said...

Are you looking for key treadmill information. I chance on your blog and its interesting. hope you find my comment interesting to recommend you to key treadmill.

tracie said...

I loved the honesty in your journaling. I really like your layout. It is really great.

All the best during your pregnancy.

havea great day
traci

artsyfartsychic said...

Hi Ashley,
just wanted to let you know I stalk your blog regularly (the other effers, too!).
I love your stuff, & can't wait to see that AL's book.
CONGRATS on your little pea in the tummy!

shannon said...

This is cool. I have to say, from experience, baby #3 is the BEST. You're going to have so much fun. in between all the crap. But the fun and the love will make the crap worth it. :)