Now that I am actually excited about this little being inside of me that is growing and causing me to drink gallons and gallons of orange juice, and eat grapes by the bag and apple after apple, I feel bold enough to share this layout that I did about a month ago.
Sean and I DID NOT want another child. We were totally content with Jude and Bing. They were our boys. One for me, One for him. My one or the other. They are perfect together. And they are perfect with us. We all stay up late and sleep in late. We all like to make each other laugh. We all snack way too much. We all like to get in bed and snuggle and watch movies. We fit together perfectly. I thought we were done. Sean was about to get the ole SNIP SNIP.
It took one time..I'm not going into any details, but i just want to stress that we were careful. ALWAYS. This wasn't supposed to happen. Not after I had just lost another 17 pounds. Not when our minds had been made up. This isn't the way we planned out things. Sure...I have an obsession with baby names...and sure I often times said "Babe, what are we gonna name our next kid?" But I NEVER thought it would happen again.
I felt guilt. I felt anger. I felt guilty for BEING angry. I thought about all the women that its their ONLY wish to have a baby. JUST ONE. And God has blessed me with my 3rd...and I'm devastated. I thought about how Jude who is already struggling to come to terms with the fact that he's brown, and mommy, daddy, and Bing are white is going to have another sibling that is "different" from him. I thought about that Bing won't be the baby, he will be a middle child. I had so many emotions and feelings and thoughts running through my head. I did not want to tell ANYONE. Not until I could deal with it. Not until I knew how I felt. I found out while I was out of town...we were on the way home. I stopped and got a test...took it. I cried the whole 2 hours home. Not silent tears. I SOBBED. Like making the ugly Julia Roberts cry face. I screamed. Sean and I didn't speak. What could we say? What would we do? How in the world were we going to do this for the 3rd time?
And then my five year old angel of son...who always seems to have a way of making things better says:
"Mom...its no big deal. GOSH. Its just a freaking baby."
That was December 4th. That was almost two months ago. Things are so different now. We are all excited. I'm not excited about getting fat again...but I am excited that the kisses, the hugs, the love, the sippy cups, the little clothes, the extra carseat, and the extra snuggles will be increasing by one. We have MORE than enough love to give.
And who better to be pregnant with than this chick....