Ripped Heart

damn that Rascal Flatts song.
and damn the kindegarten graduation playing a slideshow to that song.
slideshows get me everytime.
iTunes played the song about 10 minutes ago...its been 3 months.
but its still fresh.
the tears pour down my face.
the lump...its in my throat.
he is growing up.
and he's amazing.
and oh so smart.
he loves the disney channel, skateboarding, and the Red Hot Chili Peppers
he would rather have a vintage godzilla lunchbox from ebay
than a brand new one from target.
he is always drawing, doodling, writing.
he loves high school musical and is not ashamed to admit it.
corbin bleu is his hero.
he is a leader, not a follower.
do i nag him too much?
or am i helping him to be a good, honest, decent human being?
all the pictures...
saving the clothes that i can't bear to give away..
and saving every single piece of paper he draws on,
won't stop him from growing up.
and the reality of that rips my heart out.
i must embrace evolution.
i called him in my room...
and hugged him.
and played with the little springs on his head,
and told him what he means to me.
and he probably thinks im insane,
but i don't care.
i did it for me.
and then he told me what he wanted for christmas.

13 people took the time to say:

tanya_williams said...

oooh...now I'm all teared up! He's always gonna be my baby, too. My practice kid! Love my JuJu.

Sarah said...

It's really unbearable, isn't it.
Exquisite agony.

sarahb said...

LOved........and then he told me what he wanted for Christmas......HILARIOUS!!!
I went to my cousins Le Petit graduation and they played a slide show like that to Sarah Mcglaglin's "I will remember you", HOLY SHIT!!! I cryed and it wasn't even my kid, ya....those slide shows are killer!

Tammy said...

Loved your post...my baby starts kindergarten this year...can't believe that it's time for him to spread his wings already...I'm having a hard time too...being without kids in the house for the first time in 10 years is going to be so weird. Hugs to you.

Jody said...

Maybe you are insane...but all I can think after reading this is "You are perfect for him". {and the rest of your adorable, lovable brood}
Lucky all of you to have each other.

kerry lynn said...

you are SUCH a GOOD MAMA!!
loves you!!

Courtney DeLaura said...

heartbreaking that growing up thing. DAMN IT is all I say. Damn it to you know where...

love as you know


Becca said...

You made me cry, AshleyWren! What a sweet boy!

Love you.
Love you HARD.


Lu said...

i really feel your pain. my heart aches everytime i look at my kids a little differently and realize they are growing up super fast.

Amber Nichole said...

oh they grow so fast.
jude is one amazing kiddo.
that is for sure.
his name fits him well...
at least in my mind it does.
he is def. a jude.
perfect name for such a cool little man.

Anonymous said...

ok lady
you better do a layout and copy down what your wrote word for word

do you hear me?
are you hearing me?


oh yeah, and use that photo, it is wonderful

KB said...

my favorite part is that he then told you what he wanted for xmas. that's reality.

erika said...

i know...it just is flying.
loved this post.
miss you.